Life is of belief for oneself.
Monday, November 9, 2009
day 2.
"im tired, cynical and broken but wiser,"
I woke up in a daze, only realizing that i might be late for work. I rushed out of bed, ignoring my daily dosage of first fag before the start of work, because i didnt want to be late. I boiled the water with thoughts of making dad a cup of coffee only to realize that he was no longer home. i panicked at an instance, gave dad a call and heaving a sigh of relief thereafter. Dad was kind enough to come and fetch me from drive 73 and sent me to work.
The journey to jurong is a long one, a particulary tired one today, maybe because ive been tossing and turning in bed, replying angrily to the dozens of msges yesterday night. ive not been functioning well because my mind is constantly questioning. why did it happen? why did it happen? what did i do? so many times in life, it is always easier to push the blame to someone, maybe now i realised. even if i wanted his attention so much and he didnt want to give it to me, then maybe i couldnt blame him, i shouldnt blame him. maybe i didnt deserve his attention. but i need reasons. i need explainations.
sometimes if one is too boisterous, wallowing in self-pity is not something to be ashamed of. ive always been so proud of my relationships, never once feeling that ive made the wrong choice. but one by one, the truth surfaced. bad ones. so this is nothing new.
to those who've cared and bothered to text or message or even a call, thank you. i promise you i will be fine, ive always been. but im not sure when the healing process will finally come to an end. please promise me that you will be there when i need someone.
a mom knows best and only she will truly understand how deeply hurt and broken i am inside. this is not the first time for her, but always she understood.
posted by farhana alexis # 1:19 PM 
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