Life is of belief for oneself.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
hello Jacob boy.
"will you play pretend with me. i need a Jacob..."
dear F.K. , i think for so long i have misjudged you, and i am so very sorry. Thinking about what some other people have said, i think they suck balls. you are cleaner than what i thought you would be, which overall is so surprising. very indeed. Its day 4 already and im still feeling thankful. my abs hurt, my jaws hurt, and my eyes feel very small from all the laughing. lastly, i'd love to hear from you soon.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
day 16.
I'm doing very well without us. It is five more nights to a new year and days are passing without trouble. It will stay that way as long as we don't cross paths, I'll be totally fine. You've got what you wanted already. So why are you still lingering ard trying put me down?
unfinished business
F.K. made me smile two nights in a row. I think he is not what people see him as. but then again, it is too early to say anything. im just taking chances. here and there. i believe that we have some unfinished business to settle ;) you know and i know that we both know........
and it was an awesome morning ride from drive 73 to work. craaazzzzzyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
ps. thank you so much. im glad we met.
Friday, December 25, 2009
cruel intentions.
dear BZ. i really feel let down. i didnt know you had the capabilities to do such a thing to me.
ouch.
talk to me
dear BZ, please tell me that wednesday night was for real because i can still hear your voice trailing me. ;(
Thursday, December 24, 2009
-
"im closer than you feel when we're apart.."
sometimes we dont say things not because we dont want to, but maybe because we are very afraid of what the outcome might be. we are always bounded by the choices that we have. im more afraid of what had begun.
thank you BZ.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
-
i dont know how i feel about people now. i really dont. so stop questioning.
-_-
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
the email finally arrived
"..are pleased to inform you that you have been selected for the position...."
with this, i would like to thank all those who have been supporting and been very supportive of this seemingly far-fetched dream of mine. for being my pillar of strength at this juncture, i truly am grateful to have you around. thank you. now life doesnt seem so bleak afterall. at least i have something else to look forward to.
-received on 22 December 09 @ 3.30pm
Saturday, December 19, 2009
a child's play
Helena:"Oft expectation fails, and most oft there
Where most it promises; and oft it hits
Where hope is coldest, and despair most fits."
The safest thing to do right now is probably to trust oneself. Build a protective wall around me and hopefully nobody is able to tear it down apart. Its getting really nice and comfortable right now, and the good thing is im getting the hang of this singlehood thingy. The bad thing is, i am so sure any one of these days, some asshole is sure to bruise me up once more where it hurts the most- my heart, my pride, my ego. oh well. all good things do come to an end one day, you've learnt that the hard way right farhana.
note to I, try harder, and then just maybe you will bring me down. these mind games you've been playing is child's play. i believe my mind works a little more complicated than that. but anyway, he is all yours to take now. shoo. go impress him more.
i want you to miss me.
"...the way that i miss you."
i had the best time of my life yesterday, standing in front of Plainsunset with vocals blaring from the speakers beside me. i feel fortunate yesterday night. i really do. Thank you BZ.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
me is smittened.
"Katie, don't cry, I know
You're trying your hardest
And the hardest part is letting go
Of the nights we shared ...."
You're trying your hardest
And the hardest part is letting go
Of the nights we shared ...."
a lot of things are better off written down, so we can remember, how much we may mean to people. to be worthy of their attention.
Thank you so much, BZ, for the lullaby. because tonight i feel like ive found my temporary happy pills. im not sure for how long you will stay, but im hoping that you wont take your leave so soon, because i do smile when i think of every single of your annoying words, and hopefully, neither is it too long, till i become too attached to something that i possibly cant have. since saturday, ive been crossing my fingers. and after tonight, the twist just keeps getting tighter. and yes, i am ignoring the fact that my heart was thumping very fast at 10pm just now and soon enough within minutes, excitement level dropped to approximately negative 5. honestly, i feel every awkward. yes, that is the brutal truth.
before that, Seth actually helped ease my craving for tauhuey. awesome to the maximatos.
Monday, December 14, 2009
6.55am
"And i will live today
And i will live tomorrow
No matter what is said or done"
6.55am hit. i remember you. i remember your smell. i remember your voice. when you breathe near my neck. you were so close. right beside my ear, when you speak in hush tones.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
again. day one.
You'll love me for a little while and then you'll set me free again.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
what love is.
love is learning and accepting changes. love is learning and moving on. love is not feeling pain each night, crying and questioning. love is not waking up each morning feeling the ache thereafter.
love is learning to appreciate one another's presence. not taking advantage of it.
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